Dear god,

you know I'll never pray.
you know I will never believe.
you know I don't want your help.
you know I can protect myself.
you know I could protect what is dear to me.
you know I can't anymore.
not this time.

I'm not a prayer.
I don't pray.
but today I will.
today i'll pray.

I'll pray because I'm scared.
scared that she might die.
scared to lose what I love.
today I'll pray.

Dear god,
please, Make me hurt, but don't take it on my horses.
don't take it out on Hija.
she is to good for this world.
please, don't hurt her.
she deserves better, I know.
but, I can't give her.
she's not mine.
it's not my desision to make.

so please, dear god, make HIM see some truth in his eyes.
please make him do good to her.
give her what she needs.
please make her get better, so I have the courage to come back again.

I know I failed.
I should protect her.
but I fialed.
I couldn't anymore.
scared that she would die.
that I would find her.
scared that she would suffer more and more, and that I could see it.

I'm sorry for being a coward.
for seeing it through the fingers.
sorry, sorry for looking without watching.
sorry for speaking, without talking.
I am so, so, so sorry.
please, forgive.
please give me another change.
I will make it good again.
this time I won't give up, this time I'll protect.
Thank you.



---
maybe you all won't understand what is all said above here.
but it comes together that I quit the horses.
because hija looked really bad.
more dead than alive.
I couldn't do it anymore.
afraid that I would someday find her, dead.
so I said I quit.
but, I will go back soon.
see if they are doing better.
after I got mad at the owner he let a vet come right away.
good.
finally got some sense in him!
maybe I will go to them again.
we'll see.